Thursday, September 23

I want to be so cold that I might shatter if kissed. I want to cry but the tears don't come. A lemon in the fruit bowl, ripe to squeeze. I'm greasy and I slip through your fingers.

It's quite cold now, because it's winter. I love it, don't you? Shortly I will go out for a walk with my friend, to clear my head. We wont go too deep but we'll appreciate every minute of each other's company. We'll go to the river, and follow the path that never ends, she wont smoke because she's quit and maybe I'll take photos. I just know it.

tap tap tap at 20:00

Wednesday, September 22

No energy left. Killing myself slowley with busyness. Need some uppers, or friends will do.

tap tap tap at 21:49

Thursday, September 16

Sleeping in the corner, dreaming of the whole room. What's the matter? I ask myself. But I don't know the answer. Do broken hearts ever heal? Not in Knaresborough. I want out... please... but I don't want to fill out a UCAS form, please...

Godspeed you! Black emperor. Splash of cymbals, etc etc

tap tap tap at 21:33

tap tap tap at 21:27

Wednesday, September 15

I'm so frustrated, so so so...

I feel sick with fear, sick with fear...

Want to hide. Can I hide with you?

tap tap tap at 19:22

Thursday, September 9

I feel rubbish. How do you illustrate rubbish?

tap tap tap at 15:39

Monday, September 6

I want to say something really poetic, and heart-felt, and knowledgeable, and spine-tingling...

The truth is I'm far too boring for that. You know? Really damn boring, because I'm at that stage when I can look over my shoulder and there's no one behind me. So much is missing.

I'm reading four books at once, it's stupid, I know that. They're all pretty ace you see. I don't think there's much else to say... oh.... I'm lonely?

tap tap tap at 18:11

Sunday, September 5

"Let's destroy everything!" -Looks around feverishly-

"Later."

tap tap tap at 19:18

Friday, September 3

Stupid little girl seeks stupid little boy. No commitment, just holding and squabbling.

Back to the grindstone. Whatever that means.

tap tap tap at 17:09

Thursday, September 2

Today I heard what the sun was saying, and I said it back to him...

tap tap tap at 15:46

Wednesday, September 1

Last night I dreamt that things were back to 'normal', me and Oliver safe and warm, together. It hurts so much, I never thought the tears would come back. That cavity in my chests feels full of a melted heart, a liquid and sloppy and gloopy, red and transparent. It keeps rising like a wave, trying to get out of my mouth, I wont let it. I feel so sick. Where did I go wrong? There are all these predictable questions. He wasn't that good anyway.

Cue Morrissey... "Last night I felt real arms around me, no hope, no harm... just another false alarm."

tap tap tap at 10:11