Monday, May 31

One does not rouse for just anyone, you know.

tap tap tap at 18:51

-Leaving behind only the echo of her footsteps as she departed she knew it would be that sound that would spring a tear behind her blue eyes. She turned the key for the last time and steadied her footing with her large black umbrella, guiding her fledgling legs to the street. Peering helplessly back at the old building, gripping her small bag tighter she felt grit from the road rush with magnetism to her eyes and through her lungs; she coughed and began to regret her decision.
-The days previous had been but a small speck on the landscape of her grand plan; the boxes arranged like a large twisting python around the room, lying precariously between the exit and suitcases of old clothes; the photos of the dead and the living hurriedly stuck with prit-stick into various sugar papered scrap books littering the tables and chairs and even the tops of filled boxes; the tone of the old phone in the hallway remained ignored whenever it called. She hoped nothing would stop her from making a start, getting away from here and getting on with the matter in hand, if anything were to it would have to be of great threat to the plan; not to her. She was no longer important to herself it seemed.

tap tap tap at 18:08

Sunday, May 30

To let y'all know that I'm not dead, just slightly worried. There really is nothing nothing at all all today, just me in a house (it doesn't matter what house) and with tinny beats I have pig-tails in my hair. Some light reading perhaps? I'm not going to talk any sense anymore and don't try and stop me Misters and Misses.

tap tap tap at 19:35

Breathing can be so tiring. There's a void today between rational thought and any thought at all, so the plans go as follows;

Listen to loud music
Have a bath
Escape, clean and open minded

Doesn't sound too great, especially when everyone is closing the doors on my stereo. I'll close the doors on their stereos, just you wait.

tap tap tap at 10:26

Saturday, May 29

tap tap tap at 18:00

I think far and wide, about who should be shot first. Even the guy in the corner shop is to blame for all the mindlessness.

I have a fear of prose, that's why this is as far as it goes.

tap tap tap at 17:54

-Saxaphone solo-

Relief! Thankgoodness.

-End solo-

tap tap tap at 13:03

Friday, May 28

I've made a rather huge mistake. I feel silly, because I tied a knot in my belly and the consequences are undecided.

Today is Leeds, and Leeds is today. We will buy things to replace the old things, then to The Cockpit.

"All of my blind ambition left me with deaf with perfect vision."

tap tap tap at 10:18

Thursday, May 27

A breath too deep and I've sucked the entire room into my lungs.

tap tap tap at 10:46

Wednesday, May 26

I am the kid with the glint in her eye

The petal on the flower bitten by the wind

I am small like madaline

The thorn in the side of the boy

tap tap tap at 22:10

Tuesday, May 25

Exam on the morn, I perspire with fear.

tap tap tap at 22:34

Here we go round the prickly pear
Prickly pear prickly pear
Here we go round the prickly pear
At five o'clock in the morning.
Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
Between the conception
And the creation
Between the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow
Life is very long
Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essence
And the descent
Falls the Shadow
For Thine is the Kingdom
For thine is
Life is
For Thine is the
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper.

-T.S. Elliot. The Hollow Men V.

tap tap tap at 18:10

Everybody's happy nowadays.

tap tap tap at 16:32

Thursday, May 20

Tin drum, drum drum drum. Drrrrrrrrrum.

I'm flying away to tomorrow.

Work resumes PM Monday.

tap tap tap at 21:50

Wednesday, May 19

Bold. I'm ..
No.
Bite the bullet? You haven't got the balls.

It all started with the sleep walking and the angry dream, fear followed by anger, because they killed her, it held onto me all day, so I didn't write real sentences in the exams or the paper, I haven't a personality, what is here is quaking in the rafters, no, more like above the ceiling below the clouds, it told me what to do, like a third person, pushing and pulling me, a puppeteer, the strings were electric so I became the animation the TV always wanted, inapplicable to real life

22 23 24.

tap tap tap at 21:49

... but a dreaming dolt.

tap tap tap at 10:40

Tuesday, May 18

tap tap tap at 17:19

One down.

I'm going to write some fiction. A story.

tap tap tap at 15:26

Scared... scared... Let go of my feet! Let go! Stop making noise! Shush! ...


Oh so scared.

tap tap tap at 11:16

Monday, May 17

We are odd shoes.
But we fit ever so well.

tap tap tap at 19:41

The scale cascades, on strings of a violin. I feel it in my chest, a glissando to hope and/or betrayal, a fork in the road. A small fork. The lowest note hurts the most, the highest scratches the seams of my heart. The scale cascades, on strings of a violin. I feel it in my chest, a glissando to hope and/or betrayal, a fork in the road. A small fork. The lowest note hurts the most, the highest scratches the seams of my heart. The scale cascades.

tap tap tap at 19:02

"Today could last another million years, today could be the end of me. It's 11.59 and I want to stay alive."

tap tap tap at 09:14

Sunday, May 16

tap tap tap at 16:46

"HuHuh! I was in the right!"
"Yes, absolutely in the right!"
"I certainly was in the right!"
"You was definitely in the right. That geezer was cruising for a bruising!"
"Yeah!"
"Why does anyone do anything?"
"I don't know, I was really drunk at the time!"
"I was just telling him, he couldn't get into number 2. He was asking why he wasn't coming up on freely, after I was yelling and screaming and telling him why he wasn't coming up on freely. It came as a heavy blow, but we sorted the matter out"

tap tap tap at 13:08

Eyes stuck together with mucus, I can't see for looking. The sun is out like the august sun, it isn't august and I havn't a clue what it is. My head is playing cats cradle with my heart.



Like me?

tap tap tap at 09:35

Friday, May 14

"Send me the pillow ...
The one that you dream on ...
Send me the pillow ...
The one that you dream on ...
And I'll send you mine"


In a letter from an old friend: "I have spent a few days in the local town, hiding behind Tennants Bitter to keep the locals at bay, and appearing to obtain the status of endangered species."

tap tap tap at 16:45

Thursday, May 13

"To the Sirens first shalt thou come, who beguile all men whosoever comes to them. Whoso in ignorance draws near to them and hears the Sirens' voice, he nevermore returns, that his wife and little children may stand at his side rejoicing, but the Sirens beguile him with their clear-toned song, as they sit in a meadow, and about them is a great heap of bones of mouldering men, and round the bones the skin is shrivelling."

tap tap tap at 20:46

I want to fall in love again. I wore my blue tie today, materialistic, but pleased, I held my head high. Everything's coming to a stand still, whilst blowing up like mines at my feet. Dancers shouldn't paint. I miss people, they've all vanished.

Some girls are bigger than others.

tap tap tap at 14:06

Tuesday, May 11

I fucked up. No, no way. Yes. So all you get is this. The rest died in a horrific accident and I can't retrieve it.

tap tap tap at 20:53

Now I have all these little blue sweeties I can't seem to concentrate.

tap tap tap at 20:30

It's only a game-show, game-show, game-show...

tap tap tap at 18:13

Sunday, May 9

< sarcasm > Is it night time already? < /sarcasm >

Bedtime kisses for my love(s).

tap tap tap at 22:21

I've spent £52.90 already this morning... hold me back... hold me back! Honestly kids, you'll love the line up.

tap tap tap at 10:54

Saturday, May 8

My friend has my favourite teeth, they bend forward when he speaks.

tap tap tap at 22:52

Over acres of deep maroon sky are the thuds and kapows of fireworks; I can't see them at all, but they sound like they should be green and red. I'm reminded of when we crossed over Paris in the airplane last summer, the firey fingers of the fireworks nearly tickling the belly of the plane, and like a hopeless romantic (with Wilde on my side) I couldn't help but look out of the window and hope that a rocket would jump up and smile at me, and I'd smile back showing two lines of dirty grey teeth.

That dull murmer of Leonard Cohen as usual, "so long Marie-Ann".

I want someone to break me... I want to crack open and reveal a nasty kinder-egg type centre, all childproof and incomplete. It's all talk, no action.

tap tap tap at 22:21

He can hide in the halo
He can run into the terror
He can fly in to the jello
"I can do what I want!
I can die when I wish!"

He can fit in to the pocket
He can set a bomb in a coffin
He can live down in the sea
"I can fly when I want!
I can die when I wish to
Get my foot prints back to see the place
Where I'm standing still
Where I hate, its so sad dying world
So im fine in here!"

He can jump in to the pillow
He can break in to the PD
He can gulp the DU
"I can play when I want!
I can die when I wish!"

So he cries to the white moon
To the inside to see the cell-scape...
Now hes floating in blood

tap tap tap at 14:30

Friday, May 7

Make up. Make believe.
Make a personality,
Stick it to your face,
A mask or antimasque.
Your mannequin takes your hand
And you walk out into the sunset.
You look back but your eyes are glass,
The reflection is...

tap tap tap at 10:51

I do love to get over-excited. And I am; all strobed inside and all pale on the outside. Feel my pulse in my finger nails?

tap tap tap at 10:42

Every day should be wiped over with a damp cloth which has been soaked in a vinegar solution for approx. 2 minutes. With everything blank to start again we all re-make friends and learn the old things like they were the new. Hello, I'm Frankie, this is my face so remember my name, if you like you can take a photo and write my name underneath, just incase you forget. Who are you? Who are you?

tap tap tap at 10:40

Thursday, May 6

Another good day, maybe. Fuck.

tap tap tap at 20:55

Wednesday, May 5

Today has gone by as every good day should. With treats and results a-plenty, and smiles; my face wont hold back the cheeky smile that I've grown to love in private. There was toast for lunch... infact lets talk chronologically...

1. Wake up after 12 hours sleep, knock knock knock, brekfast in bed.
2. Form; "Who lost their virginity to who?!"
3. English; Tom and I, and some less necessary people. Grade A coursework.
4. Art; it's over, goodbye room, goodbye paint. Tears tears, oh, I'm over it, lets go.
5. Breaktime; I convince Anna and Giz that we could write the school newspaper next year, so we see some teachers and off we go.
6. Media; Grade A coursework.
7. Walk-home; Giz and I, brilliant as always.
8. Toast with Oliver, and fun.
9. Saxaphone lesson, sucess, I'm 'The Jazz'.
10. Here I am, we're gonna have a ball. Smiling.

tap tap tap at 19:17

"Now an old man and with the prospect of death looming, Victor loses all faith in religion and convinces himself that by building a house that cuts him away from society he can take on the superior role of God himself and avoid the concept of Death altogether. However, his disillusionment with his past life acts as a catalyst for his madness inside, where a giant cat and a giant dog fight for his conscience and whatever other life there is left in his naked and passive body. The inevitabilities of Time and Death cannot be avoided and Victor dies a roaming, misguided non-entity without the recognition he would have received through passing away in his past real life."

'The Murder Of Rosa Luxemburg' appear to have been erased from the earth, no website, pictures, music, erasure takes us all.

tap tap tap at 14:10

Woke up this morning
with love in mind
It was raining outside
but my love still shined
Kept me warm
till my plane touched the sky

And I've seen love
make a fool of a man
He tried to make a loser win.
But I've got nothing to lose
I can't get back again.

Man made rules
been holdin' back my love
Can't hold it back no more.
Churches long preach sex is wrong
Jesus where is nature gone?
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here?
What am I doing here?

Woke up this morning
with love in mind
It was raining outside
but my love still shined
Kept me warm
till my plane touched the sky

Neil Young.

tap tap tap at 14:03

There's nothing to say. Keep up the battle until every braincell is dead?I'm the best media student the world has ever witnessed. There's just nothing to say.

tap tap tap at 13:46

Monday, May 3

I CAN FEEL IT. I'm gaining my words, but losing my drawing fingers, just in time. Index finger, thumb, you know what to do, so do it well and make me pass. What happened to my limbs, all they do is itch and sweat, no thinking.

"Every junkie's like the setting sun."

tap tap tap at 21:16

What a blurry moon indeed, far too blurry for such a cool, clear night. I think the moon is feeling the weight of it's responsibility, if my voice would cross the distance I'd tell it not to worry, and that I wouldn't mind if it had a rest tonight. Would anyone mind if I had a rest tonight? Just the pillow and I in sweet mutual sleep.

Oh! Tomorrow!

We'll pretend to care, and swap cd's over the tables.

tap tap tap at 21:07

What's this heat?

tap tap tap at 16:43

These people aren't real. We slide past each other like strangers, and step on each others toes whenever the impulse takes us. Even when fingers hold another's fingers they're too stiff to feel a heart beat. Three millimeters of air between us, or maybe even four.

tap tap tap at 13:24

Saturday, May 1

Yes, more of a mess, and ugly green... shit shit shit. Art is the order of the (next few) day(s), so design and accuracy is neglected unless it can be touched. Bye bye comrades.

Post script... Archives don't work, I have no idea. I'm reluctant to care.

tap tap tap at 21:29

Sunset arrives and tells me to go and sleep, my body has had enough of carrying my head about and desires a little rest before the unforgiving darkness of night. So I reply "Ok" and think long and hard about my next move, the thing is I don't know where to turn, suddenly I've lost balance and everything has shifted a space to the left. I need a torch and a helper to take some photographs, but I'm the camera and I am the light...

Oh so many dilemmas.

tap tap tap at 20:57

The horror, the horror of losing your personality to dependency.

No pleasure, no pastimes, a different beat of the heart that beats the rhythm 'can't-be-shared'. I'm about 5 foot 4 in reality and so much less without a personality. Just to get it back, it only sneaks in and out nowadays; it never stays behind because it doesn't like me. I broke down a week last Friday, the days just passed have been hell; the jar lid was getting tighter. I'll start over? Remember the rules I kept that made me who I was, no need to please anyone, or part anyone. This is a lonely chair, just for one, always, this is a lonely head, just for one, always. "The."

tap tap tap at 16:06

I've caught the queen, I have.

tap tap tap at 15:58

It's simply a mess, but it's only a website, just a dress for my words, a mask for my thoughts.

tap tap tap at 14:39

Sun sun, oh what fun.

tap tap tap at 14:27